Be a Real American

After listening to Sarah Palin and to John McCain’s anti Obama ads, I finally know what is it to be an American. What follows are a list of requirements.          

Be ready to condemn people

Wear a flag pen

Be a Christian

Even better, be a conservative Christian

Listen to other citizen’s telephone calls

Attack your opponent even if you must lie

Do not enforce laws unless you like them

Invade other countries

Deny the right to vote to those who disagree with you

If you can’t win an election steal it.

If you don’t have a position blame your opponent

If people don’t like what you say – lie

You must be quick to condemn others if they do not speak out against:

Abortion

Gay rights – especially gay “marriage”

Sin

Action on these “core” issues is not required

Strategy:

Always use Fox News.

If you are not in the majority, condemn the majority

If you can’t win the vote of people – deny them the vote

Believe that the end justifies the means

Research your opponent’s life and publicize any mistakes or “bad” associations – remember “guilt by association.”

If your opponent does not have real evil in his life, exaggerate what you do find or invent evil and accuse him anyway (for example, his ninth cousin was “Jack the ripper”.

Have courage, the polls are wrong. Remember: We elected a draft dodger by claiming his opponent was not a true American (Senator Max Cleland – a decorated war hero who lost three limbs in battle). Also we successfully invented the “swift boat” charges that hurt John Kerry. Finally, we used that “doctored” picture of Harold Ford with a white woman, which energized the racial backlash against Ford.

Have courage, we will win no matter what it takes.

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